Three days into the year 2012, I said to myself, "I should journal every day this year."
And that's what I did.
I have NEVER been successful at keeping a journal. It was always because I tried to be too poetic, failed, and then gave up. Or I would throw away an entry that I found too immature, or imperfect. I wanted it to be just right. But somewhere between then and the beginning of last year, I decided not to care. I decided once and for all that poetry and perfection were useless. Instead, God's persistent grace would become the theme.
Now, looking back on 2012, the decision to write about the mundane everyday aspects of my life was truly one of the best decisions I've ever made. Because I wrote every day, I remember more about 2012 than any other year. Not only because I can go back and read about it, but because the act of writing it out solidified details and correlations in my head. It's been hilarious, insightful and downright humbling. I can remember a few days when I almost gave up; I was sick of realizing over and over again how unsteady my thoughts and emotions were. "When will I grow up and keep my head on straight?!" I do not exaggerate.
Perhaps someday I will be more steady. But it's not about me and my progress. It's about His name being made famous through fallible human beings. Well I'm one of them, and I refuse to let my measly little woes stop me from pursuing authenticity, righteousness... holiness.
So, this is Throwback Thursday. Every last Thursday of the month I will post excerpts from my journal of the current month a year ago. The snippets may contain funny moments, spiritual insights or mundane everyday facts that just remind me of my life, and where I am now compared to then.
"This morning, Laura and I woke up to find out that ALL the boys had stayed the night as well! Mark’s floor was covered with sleeping boys."
Saturday, January 7, 2012
"Most interesting part of the day, however? Jobie somehow got their car stuck over cross ties next to the driveway, leading into a steep ditch. We (as in, guys AND girls) then proceeded to push the car back far enough that the middle of the car was literally resting on the cross tie with the back wheels up in the air. Combining guys pushing the front with a little reverse action, amazingly, we got the car back on the driveway without any major injuries, car or persons. Memories. :)"
(Ah yes, the first ever Movie Night. Priceless.)
Thursday, January 12, 2012
"I am realizing more and more how unreliable emotions are. Tuesday seemed to be awful, yesterday was phenomenal, and today was just meh. Yet every single day I am certain of God’s grace despite my feelings. Sometimes I wish I didn’t feel, but I know that the Lord’s will is not that I stop feeling, but that I bring every thought and feeling before His throne. Oh, that I could do better with that."
Friday, January 20, 2012
"Well, the big news today is that Mrs. Christine Eldridge is EXPECTING A BABY. When Austin told me over the phone I thought I was dying; a total out-of-body experience."
(I won't easily forget that conversation.)
Sunday, January 22, 2012
"When I got home we just chilled out for a while, ate salad for dinner, and then I talked on the phone with Sara for two hours. Pretty much, I love her more than words can describe."
Thursday, January 26, 2012
"We bought little baby cowboy boots at Cracker Barrel today for Baby Eldridge. Before I left for ensemble tonight we ran them over to the Eldridge’s and talked for a while. It was SO fun. They loved the boots. :)"
Sunday, January 29, 2012
"Exceedingly blessed. Lord, come. In two senses: one, to make my heart Your home, and two, to literally come back for Your bride. I can’t wait."
Tuesday, January, 31, 2012
"With each passing day I am persuaded more and more that I find more joy in doing that which I ought than in doing that which I want. That I could remember that in those small, significant moments when I am forced to choose!"